The Blog I Just Can’t Write

(Disclaimer: If you are a public official or work in the medical community, this post was not written with you in mind. We need you to continue to lead by helping us move forward into a healthy place. Thanks for all you are doing.)

Over the last seven weeks of social distancing, I have had a lot of time to think. As someone who often gets stuck in her own head, it is fair to say that it has been a dangerous amount of time to sit with and process my thoughts. I have found myself wrestling with the fact that I have said no to several recent public opportunities. I do believe that leaders have a responsibility to show up for those they lead, and yet, for the most part, I have not been very visible. In the middle of a global health crisis I have remained relatively quiet on most of my social platforms. I have been forced to expand my definition of what it means to show up for others. This has created an interesting tension for me, and that discomfort has led to this blog post.

The events that I have turned down have been invitations to be on podcasts or webinars. Most of the conversations went something like this:

Host: “Could you talk about the 10 things all leaders should be doing during this time?”
Me: “No.”
Host: “So, maybe the 5 things all leaders should be doing during this time?”
Me: “No.”
Host: “Um, could you do the 3 things…”
Me: “No.”

I am aware that we are all living in a global health crisis which is a form of trauma. As a result, I know I am not at my best. Parts of my brain have literally shut down as I shift into survival mode. All the content-rich files stored in my head that I would normally have access to seem to be hidden behind a locked door and I have misplaced the key. While I understand the science behind this my head and my heart are not on the same page. Daily I struggle with the growing awareness that I want to be at my best and less than my best feels like I am letting myself and others down. I strongly believe that leaders need to be aware of the moments when we are not at our best. In these moments we need to remember that if we move forward others will follow us. One of the most powerful things we can do as leaders, when we know we are not at our best, is to simply stop. In doing so we honor the sacredness of having a platform to influence others. While it is an uncomfortable practice, until I am closer to full capacity, I have given myself permission to be still.

I am also aware that I don’t know the 10 things, 5 things, or 3 things that all leaders should be doing right now because I have never lived through or led others through a global health crisis. Nor have I immersed myself in the study of pandemics, extreme isolation, anxiety, or grief. I believe that when speaking about leadership we must take context into account. In a time like this, it is critical that leaders defer to experts and to those who have been here before. Secure leaders are intentional about including experts in their own circle of influence. To share your leadership platform with experts who understand the context and those who can best lead the way is a healthy leadership decision. If someone is going to look to me for leadership then I want to point them toward the experts.

Additionally, I have felt the pressure to speak on topics that are simply unknown to me at this time. If I were to speak to those things, I would run the risk of doing more harm than good and I believe that leaders must use their influence for good. I am coming to understand that being still is not the same as abandoning leadership responsibilities. My leadership is still present, but it is now in a form that is new to me; however, I think it is the brave and honest thing to do. I believe as a leader I should use my platform and voice to speak to what I know, but refrain from promising a vision for a future that is outside my scope of expertise. Words matter, and in a season of heightened fear the words of leaders are amplified. Right now I want to be very careful with my words.

In light of all this, I am only comfortable sharing one piece of advice. I have often said that leadership is a lot like being human and what the world needs are more good humans. So, during this time of unprecedented uncertainly and fear, I know that my leadership compass has been calibrated in one direction: be a good human. As I struggle to make sense of my thoughts, my untapped creativity, my rising shortness with others, my frustration with inept global leadership, my fear of the unknown, and the overwhelming disappointment I have with myself that I am not making better decisions and getting more done, I find myself moving towards one basic question: “what would a good human do?”

If you are the leader of a small business, you may be thinking about some very difficult questions: When do we reopen? How does reopening part-time impact my employees’ ability to collect unemployment? What effect does reopening have on the health care system? If we delay reopening how does that impact health insurance for our employees? If we can’t reopen at full capacity how do we decide who to rehire? 

Or maybe you are a teacher or a coach and you are wrestling with how school closures impact the lives of your students: How do we provide community from a distance? How important is the curriculum we have agreed to implement this spring? Should holding our students accountable be a priority during a global health crisis? How do we measure success during this time?

It is also possible that your greatest leadership questions right now revolve around your own self-leadership: Why do I feel so guilty for the things I believe I am failing at right now? How do I work from home while also homeschooling my children? Which bills do I pay when I have no income? How do I stay productive when all I want to do is sleep? How do I make healthy food choices when all I want is comfort food? If so, let me ask you this: In the face of all that, what would a good human do?

I think a good human would wrestle with the hard questions, would include a variety of perspectives in gathering information, would share facts as they become available, and would try to make decisions that impact the lives of others in positive ways. I think a good human would show empathy toward people and be lenient with expectations. I think a good human would forgive, would create space for emotions, would understand that you are trying your best, and would encourage you to try again tomorrow.

Leading ourselves and others during this time is very difficult and most of us are doing it without a map. It would be reckless for me to try and tell you the 10 things you should be doing right now, but I hope you’ll consider during this time of trauma how you can be a good—not perfect or flawless—human. As a leader, consider leaning into the idea that what the world needs are more good humans.

While we might prefer a 10-step action plan, what we have access to right now is a compass, and that compass is guiding us in the direction of being good humans. For me, I am going to point to the experts, be still for now, and continue to be careful with my words because I believe that is something a good human would do.

We can do this. We can be good humans. We can be good humans for each other.

If leadership is a lot like being a good human, how can you better lead today?

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Here are a few resources from experts that I trust:

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van der Kolk MD. A must-read for understanding how trauma impacts the body. 

Making Meaning our of Grief by Jane E Brody. An excellent article for understanding grief on a deeper level. 

Yes, Even Introverts Can be Lonely Right Now by Adam Grant. Over the last few years, I have come to trust the work that Adam has done in the field of Organizational Psychology. This is a quick read on loneliness during this time.