Leading in Difficult Moments

It was 8:00 on a Friday morning and I was the middle of a very difficult conversation. I was sitting in my Athletic Director’s office explaining that my mind was made up: we needed to permanently remove a player from our roster. As a college coach this was a first for me. I had temporarily suspended players in the past, but I had never permanently cut a player from a team. While I certainly held our players to a high standard, I also knew that they were learning and growing, and the decision to cut a player would also close the door on the opportunity to have influence in that young person’s life. This was not a decision I came to haphazardly.

This particular player had a clear and consistent record of poor decisions that conflicted with campus rules, athletic department policy, and our team values. Sadly, this was not her first, second, or third offense. While I had clarity around my decision, I knew this would be a challenge because I didn’t have support from above or below.

After I explained the details of the situation to my boss, her reply was, “Doesn’t your team need her to win games?” I believe a more useful question would have been, “Would giving her another chance negatively impact the health of your team culture?” While my boss was able to see a pattern of poor behavior, she was not able to see how this pattern would impact our team culture in the future.

It was disappointing to not have support from the person I reported to, but it was equally frustrating to not have support from the team I was leading. Many of our players were asking me to give their teammate one more chance. They were only focused on the future and they were not able to see that the past was marked with a clear pattern of irresponsible behavior from their teammate.

My Athletic Director couldn’t see how this player would negatively impact the future and the student-athletes couldn’t see the pattern of the past. Both parties were seeing in real-time, focusing only on what was right in front of them.

As leaders, we must be able to make difficult decisions by taking in information from multiple places. This requires us to embrace a process of looking back on patterns, looking forward to where we are headed, and looking within to assess our values. Poor leaders rarely do all three of these things. Leading in a way that considers the past, the future, and core values allows us to protect our people in moments of uncertainty or crisis.

Additionally, when we as leaders find ourselves caught in the gears of a painful situation, we must remain vigilant to the reality that the purpose of leadership is not to win a popularity contest. Instead, the heart of leadership is a deep desire to protect those we are leading. The safety of others takes precedence over the safety of our leadership position. Too often leaders are thinking about a difficult decision in light of how it will impact their role as a leader. They are protecting their position rather than protecting their people.

The reality is that there is an extrinsic reward in making the popular decision and gaining the applause of our followers. However, leadership that is people-centric is always rooted in intrinsic rewards. There is a kindness, a compassion, in making a difficult and unpopular decision that ultimately protects those you lead. These unsettling and often isolating leadership moments are what allow us to be human together.

Significant and defining moments in leadership are often our most prophetic moments. These are the times when we are able to articulate a vision and then lead a group into a future that they cannot yet see.

At times, we must stay a few steps ahead of our people while inviting them to join us on a new journey. In the end, we must remember that our people are counting on us, their leaders, to walk them safely home. We can do this when we are willing to look back, to look forward, and to look within. 

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