Leadership is Personal

It was clear to me that something was off in her leadership, but I couldn’t name it. So, I shifted into observer mode to see what I could learn. Over time, it became clear that she embraced being in charge but didn’t want to be responsible.

That was a lightbulb moment for me.

Now that I have language for it, I’ve realized this is a common, dangerous, and toxic trait in leadership.

Over the last few years, we’ve watched as companies report strong profits while laying off their employees. We’ve seen CEOs take raises while reducing opportunities for hourly workers. Each time this happens, we read the polished, carefully worded press releases that state: “This was a difficult decision.” “This positions us for the future.” “We had to think long-term.”

And I think we’ve gotten used to it. It happens so often that we’ve started to believe that if a large, profitable company does it, it must be acceptable.

Those press release statements may very well be true. Leadership does require very difficult decisions. There are financial pressures, standards to achieve, and stakeholder expectations. But none of those are a reason to move people out of the center of our decisions.

Human-centered leadership asks us to do something much harder: to pursue financial success without treating people as collateral damage. Leadership is not for the faint of heart. Learning how to make gut-wrenching decisions without sacrificing the very people we are called to lead is not easy.

For the last ten years, I have worked with the Women’s Rugby team at Quinnipiac University. With the exception of a COVID year, I’ve spent time with them every August, witnessed big wins and heartbreaking losses, mentored their team leaders, supported their coaches, and cheered on one of their alumni in the Olympics.

I know their names. I know their stories. I know them.

Last week, with no warning, their Athletic Department cut the team.

And maybe you are sensing that this feels personal to me. You are right.

Underline this, highlight it, and repeat after me: Leadership is personal. The moment leadership stops being personal is the moment it becomes dangerous.

Behind every layoff, reduction in staffing, or team that gets cut are people who didn’t see it coming—a parent who questions how they will pay the bills, a family that tries to figure out what’s next, and a student who suddenly feels like a cog in a machine.

Too many leaders want to make decisions but don’t want to be responsible for their impact.

A telltale sign that you are dealing with someone who wants to be in charge but doesn’t want to carry the responsibility for their decisions is that they quickly create distance. They let HR deliver the news, hide behind automated email replies, and ignore requests for more information.

And while doing so, the people most impacted by their decisions become secondary.

When more time is spent asking, “How will this make us look?” than asking, “How will this impact our people?”, optics—not people—become the priority. And in moments like this, we have to ask: Are you saving face, or are you saving your people?

Human-centered leaders understand that if their solution to a problem becomes someone else’s problem, it’s not a solution—it’s an abdication of leadership.

When you know someone’s story, when you’ve walked with them, and when you understand how your decisions fit into the context of their lives, you don’t move as quickly, speak as casually, or treat the moment like it’s business as usual. Proximity changes things. It doesn’t let you hide from the impact.

That’s why understanding how people will feel is not a liability in leadership; it’s information. It shapes how we communicate and how we show up when the outcome isn’t what someone hoped for.

Healthy leadership isn’t about avoiding hard decisions; it’s about making human-centered ones. Leaders who embrace responsibility understand that they are not just responsible for making the call—they are responsible for what happens after they make it. They know their decisions will reshape someone else’s life, and they stay close enough to feel the weight of that reality.

And that kind of leadership requires a different question. Not just “What should we do next?” but “Am I willing to be responsible for how this decision will impact people?”

Being in charge is easy. Being responsible? That’s hard.

So the next time you read a press release about layoffs, staff reductions, or teams being cut, pause and read between the lines. Ask yourself how this decision will impact people—people just like you.

And in doing so, you might have spent more time thinking about the people who are impacted than the leaders who made the decision.

Leadership is personal.